Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

…even when they are sleep-deprived Mums and working women to boot. I am stone cold sober tonight, but high as a kite. Yup, very oxymoronic of me, but there you have it.

Our Yummy Mummy  – And Just Plain Yummy” group had its monthly get-together tonight. I lurrrve this bunch of women and hanging out with them never disappoints. Some of us are mothers, some of us aren’t. We are lawyers, journalists, bureaucrats and engineers. Our lives on any given day are incredibly different. We have strong views on everything from the coming elections to the nutritional benefits of cod liver oil. And Dear Lord, can we ever crack open the wine, mix margaritas and paarrttaay!

The Mad Momma recently did an interesting post recently based on an interview she read featuring Julianna Moore, where the lovely Ms. Moore states that motherhood doesn’t wipe out the person you are.

It doesn’t have to Julianna, but it can. It can wipe you as you know yourself out for a while. Try not sleeping well for two years and anyone can be a lesser shadow of themselves. For me, the first year of being home with a baby, getting to know the baby and caring adequately for it while staying whole was an exhausting process. There were details, routines and schedules and I stopped caring about things that weren’t relevant to the task at hand. Eating, showering, sleeping, socialising, smelling nice, dressing in something other than saggy-arse jeans – everything got moved to the back-burner as I went about like a horse in blinkers. Loving my child so much it almost hurt, loving being a mother, but often at odds with myself and inexplicably miserable in my own new skin at times.

And then the girls came along. They firmly took off  ’em blinkers, stuck a glass of wine in my hand, fed me scrumptious food and laughed themselves silly over their lives, their loves and their ways. They were irreverent, snarky and rolling-in-the-aisles-funny. They were secure enough to call a spade a bloody shovel and wham!

I was back.

When we meet, its so not about motherhood. Some of us are mothers and sure, it has changed us, but it is far from the only thing that defines us. Even if it is the one factor that most influences our choices in life, its bloody fantastic to have that night with the girls when you can forget that. When you are one-on-one with the world and your primary tag isn’t Mum. These evenings are about what I think, not what I think as a mother. I don’t know about you, but for me there is a difference.

Moore says in her interview that she finds it incredibly reductive when people ask her how something affects her as a mother. I can understand that. I am a mother of two, but I am capable of seeing the world through non-mother lenses. While being a mother has made me see very many issues and situations differently and often, more emotionally, would I necessarily feel differently about Robert Mugabe if I wasn’t a mother? No. How I feel about the Indian elections, French immigration policy or Jimmy Choo shoes for that matter is totally unaffected by motherhood. Its my informed opinion and squeezing two kids through my hoo-haa ain’t got squat to do with it.

Did I really spend all these years developing confidence and and a sense of self to allow myself to be projected as a cardboard cutout Mum figure?  Sure, I care about the world I will be bequeathing my children, but I would care about future generations even without a child to call my own. If I was single and childless, I would incredibly pissed off right about now at being considered less moral and more selfish – like I have no reason to get all fired up about investing in a better future for mankind.

So, here’s my gyaan for the day. Find and keep great friends.

Friends “who love the YOU, you love” (quote from SATC). Friends who open their homes, minds and hearts and give you a wide and non-judgemental berth. Who make wicked soup and know their way around their mojitos and caiparinhas. Who are game for an impromptu car ride at 2 a.m. along a coastal route, blasting music that makes you feel 23 again, 19 again:-). Just a different dimension to feeling vibrantly alive.

I leave you with the two songs that topped our charts tonight. Cheesy, but  at 120 km/hr on a motorway, they rock your world!



Filed under Female bonding, Happiness, Motherhood

6 responses to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

  1. Era

    Well said. I guess I am trying to get back some of my own pre mom self as well. I’m not just a mom.

    • shal247

      we rarely are, are we?:-) I don’t think its so much that women see themselves as one-dimensional, but that society often feels a need to peg them.
      All the best!

  2. deepa

    If I haven’t said this before love your blog but my bigger question to you how does one acquire pals like this esp. at an age- wrong side of thirty, shall we way- where most gals I seem to meet have their own tight knit cliques and mine have spread out thruout this vast universe of ours.(Have move a tad recently to these parts) Pliss also note I live in frigid NewJersey. Frigid in more ways than one, at that!

    Me: Well, I’ve lived where I live for 6 years now, and mostly I just feel like I lucked out. I have colleagues who are very good friends and (touchwood) interesting people keep cropping up. In a very cliquish world, it can be tough. Think its also tougher when you try to make it a “family thing”. We have kids in different phases of life and partners who might not necessarily have loads in common. But hell – why shouldn’t we hang out?:-) Keep perservering!

    Am also commenting on previous post here. I hear yah sista on the hospitality thingie and am thrilled to read it’s alive and kickin’ in The Vikings’ home. Now, my dilemma is am dying to feed armies of people if only they’d see the welcome sign I put out so eagerly:-)( The Cub is a tad too young to attract a coterie of his own to the lair)
    Me: Again – hang in there. Arvind turned 6 before his junta started storming our bastille..but we always have people over. So there is a chance that kids pick up on that. So don’t pack up your welcome sign yet!!! Just keep calling people over:-)Also depends on the neighbourhood you live in. Ours in very middle class and very laidback. You won’t find a single manicured lawn out here:-) The neighbours are chatty and friendly and when the ice and snow thaw, people meet and drink coffee and hang out in the street.

  3. maidinmalaysia


    must tell you just how clearly you write. what an interesting blog with so many neatly constructed, well-thought out posts…

    and yes, when i was with a batch of friends, i quite forgot I had reproduced, twice over…
    I felt wildly 23… just like you mentioned.

    oh and i have lurked here before.

    • shal247

      MiM, welcome:-) Am glad you enjoy the posts – its always encouraging to hear!

      Ain’t it wonderful with a great group of friends??

  4. deepa

    Damn right you are! shall keep the poor man’s champagne chilling in the freezer and pop it when the guests come callin’

    * poor man’s C- sparkling apple cider!!

    Me: LOL! Go, Deepa!

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