When travelling to India, you always have to mentally prepare for the deluge of ridiculous questions/allegations, statements and assumptions you will be met with as an adult who has lived abroad for over 11 years. I’m going to attempt a list and the responses I wish I could give – and would give if I didn’t really love my parents.
Annoying Allegation #1
Oh, but you are so westernised and you’ve become a Norwegian lady now.
Desired Response Lost in Chickenshit-ness
Really? What gave me away? My underwear with the Norwegian flag on it? Lady, I could spiritually be a Martian and it would still be none of your business.
And what has made me Norwegian? Do I speak my mother tongue with a trace of Norwegian accent? Or any accent at all? Do I vaunt unnecessarily over Norwegian life? Do I shrug my shoulders at the dismaying ways of fellow Indians and relentlessly diss the country of my birth? Do I complain about the roads, the water or the service in hotels and shops?
No. I take it for what it is. I can be uncritical about the things that don’t really matter and critical about those things that do. How Indian I feel has nothing to do with the colour of my passport or where it was assigned. Or whether I wear capri pants and a short top and disagree with your parochial views, while leaving my hair unoiled. But for you, its all about appearances and streaked hair and everything that is insubstantial.
Escaping your cretinous ways is one of the greatest joys of living abroad.
See, my biggest problem is you. And the fact that you are in my face with your shallow crap. So take it to someone who’s buying.
And FYI, using deodorant doesn’t make you less Indian, but it will make you a sweeter smelling one. Give it a shot.